I am a little monster.

Lady Gaga - Eh, Eh (bomb version)

"Get your dicks out because I hear they have some pretty big cocks in London. Welcome to the monster ball. Now DANCE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS." - Lady Gaga

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Lady Gaga concert. Life. Changing.

My obsession with Lady Gaga started when I heard she was a hermaphrodite. Yep, vag and penis all in one. Now - I have no idea whether this is actually true or not, and am not claiming to believe either way, but since my interest in Gaga started, my love and respect for her has grown to an unprecedented degree.

It was pretty much the best Thursday night of my entire LIFE when I found out that my super bombdotcom friend had acquired an extra ticket for Gaga. And of course, knowing my obsession, thought of me.

I can't even express how or why I love her so much, but these pictures say more than I can.

I just love everything that Lady Gaga stands for. Her whole monster ball theme. So amazing. And the whole idea that each and every one of us can be whoever the fuck we want to be. No judgement. No boundaries. No limit.

And with every single thing she does, Lady Gaga pushes the limits. Her Fashion. Her Dancing. Her sexuality. Her pianos spouting flames. Her bejeweled 10-inch platforms. Her sequined masks and angel wings.

Also - The Monster Ball Tour definitely put the showbiz aspect back into concerts. It was a little bittersweet, actually. Before she came on, they were playing a non-stop MJ playlist. He was the last pop superstar who really truly knew how to make a concert into a show. And Gaga really brought that back.

This shit she says is inspiring. I am a little monster and am damn proud of it. And the monster ball is a place for FREAKS to go. And to be whoever they want to be. Or to be however freaky they want to be. I am a freak.

I leave you with one more quote from tonight.

"Cheers to my fucked-up self." 

- Lady Gaga

Baking Woes

MSTRKRFT - Easy Love

Last night, Shira and I were challenged to a cook / bake off. They cooked. We baked. Competition on.

We all know that my baking skills are nonexistent, BUT Shira is a master of baking and I came armed with the most bomb dot com recipe of all time.

S'mores cookies.

Amazing, right? I would know firsthand. Lana and I made these bad boys for our drunken NYE guests this year and they were a super smash hit. "Wicked good" as the brits would say.

I honestly thought it was in the bag.

The competition was so-so. They just made some lame dishes like duck and bruschetta and delicious cranberry sauce and other not-so-intense things. 

Jokes jokes. It was definitely the most amazing / delicious / best meal I've had yet in Europe. That is, apart from every single meal I ate in Italia. But thats some unfair comparison.

So of course, the cooking turned out fabulously, and diner was delicious. Then it was Shira's and my turn to show them up with our mad baking skills. Right?

Nope. Disaster...

5 Reasons why baking in the UK is a complete joke:

1.  They do not have sticks of butter. (?!)

2.  Everything is measured by weight rather than by volume. 1 cup of flour? No can do.

3.  The concept of "graham cracker" is nonexistent here. They don't even know what s'mores are!! Depression city.

4.  Apparently shit cooks differently at different altitudes. So you can't use American recipes here because cook time is different, amount of baking soda necessary is different, temp is different. Ayayyayy!

5.  ALL ovens in london are prehistoric. ALL OF THEM. I have yet to find an oven with digital temperature setting. How do they survive here?!

We managed to make something somewhat resembling smores cookie dough. With digestives substituted for graham crackers, of course.  And the cookies actually turned out pretty stellar.

A little burnt on the outside and raw in the middle, but hey, nobodys perfect!

Too bad we didn't have them around last night as a post-rage drunken snack.  Delicious.  And if you want the recipe (which you obviously do), here's the link.  

Shira and I still won though because we brought over some delicious 3 pound wine to go with our cookies.

Please don't ask why there is a chilli pepper on the wine bottle.

Pick me pick me!

Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream (Van She remix)

Nothing to do with being abroad buttt

Yippee I'm famous...

What a cute little pair of freshies.

Apparently I have been exposed to learning that will prepare me for interaction in the real work place. Hmm....




(btw - I just figured out a way to get music on here free and im really fucking excited about it - maybe sometimes i'll throw in a new song obsession here and there? yumm)

Roma

Last stop - ROME.

In my opinion, Rome is the one place in the world that truly embodies the meaning of the word "Awesome". As in - awe inspiring. 


It was my second time in Rome, but I could go there a million times and never be bored or any less fascinated. Here goes:


Important Life Lesson Learned #9:  Never look a gladiator in the eyes.

The Colosseum is my single favorite sight to see. Plus we all know how I have a pretty sick and twisted mind - the whole idea of the Colosseum is just so bomb to me.


Even though Lana and I spent an entire day wandering around the Colosseum two years ago, I of course had to do another tour. And I learned new fun facts:


-  At concession stands outside of Colosseum, they sold little vials of gladiator blood. These were marketed as fertility enhancers.  Apparetly, gladiators were so manly that they could impregnate a woman just by making eye contact.

- At intermissions, horribly non-politically-correct events took place such as...
Midget vs. Midget
Midget vs. Cripple
Cripple vs. Clown
oy..

-Executions of criminals were performed as plays, where they had the criminal play the role of the character to be murdered. How do you convince a man to act out a biblical role as his death sentence? Wowsers.

Too bad the Vatican stole all of the Colosseum's gold and marble... 


Apart from the Colosseum, we also toured the palatine. Then we spent a few hours just sitting around by the Roman Forum, the Pantheon, and the Trevi Fountain... people watching and basking in the glory of the ruins. 

Absolutely amazing.


Important Life Lesson Learned #10:  Giant Bonsai Trees do not exist.


One cool part about Rome is that all over the city are these really wicked looking trees that for whatever reason remind me of the Lion King.

Dont be fooled! Apparently every year they go around and chop off all of the lower branches of these trees to give them their edgy look.


This process also essentially renders the trees useless - they no longer provide shade or shelter. But hey - all in the name of fashion, eh?


Important Life Lesson Learned #11:  Wasted Americans will do just about anything... when in Rome.


I didn't realize ridiculous MTV style body shots actually happened in real life. I was mistaken

Fat Tuesday in Rome. What the fuckkk. And NO that is absolutely not me. But its still pretty hilarious.


I guess thats it for Roma.

Viva Italia!

Sorrento

After two days in Florence, the gang made way to the Amalfi Coast. Destination Sorrento.

Blue skies and beautiful views, baby.


Important Life Lesson Learned #7:  Live as far away from volcanoes as possible.

For those of you who don't know, Pompeii is an ancient Roman city that was destroyed by a massive eruption of Vesuvius (the volcano looming in the picture below).

There were a few things about Pompeii that were super duper cool.

First off, they have all of these plaster casts of human figures exactly as they were at the time of the eruption. People struggling from asphyxiation, or just horrified by the volcano. They even have plaster casts of dogs and shit.  Next question - How?

So Vesuvius erupts and the entiiiiire city of Pompeii and everyone in it is completely buried in lava. The lava cools, forming around all of the bodies of the people in the city. After years and years, the bodies decompose, but even when they are gone, the empty cavities in the lava form their outline perfectly, including every wrinkle of clothing or facial expression.


When the archaeologists excavated the city, they poured plaster into these cavities, and the plaster dried into perfect replicas of the people. Pretty cool shit.


Another fun fact about Pompeii - very sexual.


Apparently there was a common sexual theme going on throughout the city. Some Christians believe Pompeii was destroyed as punishment for their hedonistic ways. Hilarious.

The Lupanare = The Brothel


This building was surprisingly very much in tact. 10 little stone rooms next to each other, each complete with extremely comfy looking bed.

Pretty enticing quarters, eh?


And along the walls are little paintings / frescoes depicting sexual positions. According to the audio guide, this was a sort of menu for customers to choose from. 

Good to know doggy style dates back to ancient times.  (hi mom lol)


The last SUPER cool thing about Pompeii was the PUPPIES!!

The city is very welcoming to stray dogs. It puts little collars on them that say "Adopt me" and then lets them chillax in the ruins until someone falls in love and takes them in. Too precious.




Important Life Lesson Learned #8:  Add 'Gelato Fight' to your bucket list.

How bomb dot com does that look?!

Sorrento definitely had the most delicious gelato place we found in Italia. Hence we went there three times a day.  The place was for sure famous, as the walls were covered by photos of various celebrities (including the Pope) eating gelato with the owner. 


The girl pictured above is some Argentinian supermodel named Belen. She must have either been the stores mascot or shagging the owner, because there were pictures of her everywhere and even a delicious flavor named after her.

My typical flavor choices were nutella, kinder, and Belen Belen. Heaven.


Break and then one more post - romeee <3